Thursday, July 5, 2012

on parenting and the idea that we are doing just fine.

Two things especially bother me. First, when people say, “I have this junk stuff I don’t want, I’m bringing it over.”   No.  I certainly do not want more stuff, I’m trying to already trying to get rid of everything we have. (Exceptions apply).  Second are those e-mails from parenting websites, you know, the your baby this week ones.    I might have an issue with people telling me what to do, like how companies tell me that my children should wear clothes that have exploded with butterfly/sparkly/sugar puff/ladybugs and nonsense words OR how it is suggested that I sign my baby up for a tumbling class so she will learn how to walk and fall.  Yeah, we can do that home.   Is there a class for breathing, because what if we aren’t sure how to do that either. 

I will never admit that I know everything, I mean, thank God that I do not, but I am certain that within us is the necessary knowledge and wisdom to raise our children.  Like how once we become mothers, we can hear the slightest sound from their room or how we know the difference between a hurt and tired cry or how we can tell when they just need some space and quiet.  We have been equipped and if we listen to that gentle voice inside, we know.

This is where things get dangerous, so hold on.  There is a great force that launches a full scale assault from the very second you find out you will be a parent. Its sole mission is to make you feel unprepared and incapable of executing the mission before you.  From the parenting books that say this is the only way or the other parents who who know everything that ever existed to the doctors appointments and the checklists that can make you feel nervous and totally unable to go on, without a half an hour wait for a ten minute visit.  Also, that whole concept of mom guilt, (don’t get me started). And no, they aren’t all bad, but the overwhelming sense is that all these voices are telling us, I have the answers and clearly, you do not. 

An empowered person who possesses quiet confidence is a dangerous thing.

When we need help, we should seek wisdom, only fools wouldn’t,  but what would happen if we started to believe in ourselves?  What if we started to believe that we were created for this (any many other things), created to raise our babies and watch them grow into capable, good hearted, and amazing people. What if we let our voice, the one that comes from our very core be the loudest. We are entrusted with the future, we are watching it unfold each and every day.   I wonder if the future would seem less frightening if the voices we heard the most were full of encouraging messages rather than hey, you, you’re doing it all wrong.

Just a few beginning thoughts on this subject,  I’d love to hear from you.

But, most of all, I hope you know you’re doing a good job.

8 comments:

  1. Hmmm....I almost called and asked you if you yesterday if wanted a Romertopf clay baker we have in the garage that I haven't been using, but maybe it is good that I forgot before we left for your place... :) - Meeka

    ReplyDelete
  2. Really like this post. I don't have much to say on parenting. The closest thing I have to parenting experience is a somewhat recent 8-week stint as an expectant father. Scariness. But that's not to say I didn't learn anything from that experience and the experiences surrounding it.

    What I like most about this post is the encouragement to believe in ourselves (I mean, I guess that's what the whole thing is about, but I had to sum it up somehow). Of course, as you said, it needs to be balanced with seeking out wisdom from outside ourselves. But I think the healthiest people are those who take what they've been given, weed out what they find to be unhelpful or untruthful, and in so doing learn to be creative and make decisions for themselves.

    You said, "I will never admit that I know everything, I mean, thank God that I do not..." and I think that gets at the heart of why it is so hard to believe in ourselves: because it is scary to do the work of getting to know oneself and making independent decisions. I don't believe many people keep to that path very rigorously. I've been thinking a lot about how easy it is for me to trick myself into thinking I'm keeping to that path. It's a path that forces us to face whatever darkness there might be inside (and outside). Again, scariness. But when we face it, I believe we end up being able to bring light to those places and we become stronger for it. Thanks for the encouragement.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Really like this post. I don't have much to say on parenting. The closest thing I have to parenting experience is a somewhat recent 8-week stint as an expectant father. Scariness. But that's not to say I didn't learn anything from that experience and the experiences surrounding it.

    What I like most about this post is the encouragement to believe in ourselves (I mean, I guess that's what the whole thing is about, but I had to sum it up somehow). Of course, as you said, it needs to be balanced with seeking out wisdom from outside ourselves. But I think the healthiest people are those who take what they've been given, weed out what they find to be unhelpful or untruthful, and in so doing learn to be creative and make decisions for themselves.

    You said, "I will never admit that I know everything, I mean, thank God that I do not..." and I think that gets at the heart of why it is so hard to believe in ourselves: because it is scary to do the work of getting to know oneself and making independent decisions. I don't believe many people keep to that path very rigorously. I've been think a lot about how easy it is for me to trick myself into thinking I've kept to that path. It's a path that forces us to face whatever darkness there might be inside (and outside). Again, scariness. But when we face it, I believe we end up being able to bring light to those places and we become stronger for it. Thanks for the encouragement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've never considered how knowing oneself and making independent decisions might be scary. For whatever reason, I'm so thankful that I haven't, but yes, I love what you said here and I wish more people could hear it.

      Delete
  4. i find it completely marvelous that we wrote about the same thing the same day without talking to one another. parenting is all about trusting yourself and when that's not enough, God. but i too agree the capability is within us. we know.

    and i despise those emails. did you really read about a tumbling class? seriously?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I know, we're right there together. And yes, a tumbling class so my one year old would learn how to fall. Gravity helps us with that just fine!

      Delete
  5. i enjoyed this post, and believe that we are more capable than we give ourselves credit for. i'm constantly struggling with the lies that i might not be doing it right, and she's somehow turning out wonderfully regardless.
    however, i do have to say, there are in fact 'some' parents who could read a parenting book or two. granted, while most parents have that common sense about them, working at a child care i have to say, there have been more times than i can count that i really wanted to recommend a very basic parenting book. and i'm not saying this to be mean, but just as a help to the parent to help with basic parenting101. like.. feed your kid breakfast. OR, my most recent conversation with one of the parents went something like this
    mom: So because my child was bad yesterday he didn't get to have a very fun dinner.
    me: oh well, i'm certain he'll do much better today, we had a good talk yesterday and how we are going to make better choices today!
    mom: yeah well, at home he had to have grilled chicken and broccoli for dinner
    me: oh... that sounds healthy! :)
    mom: yeah, but not very fun!

    this is the point i'm realizing the parent punished their child with healthy food. i had to kindly excuse myself back to the classroom and make a note to myself to do a unit on nutrition with the kids.

    this mom is wonderful too, she genuinely loves her kid and this isn't a bash her parenting moment but rather a small example of how maybe a parenting book on helpful disciplines may not be a terrible idea :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, I do think is a benefit to reading the books, but I would love to see more people walk confidently in their abilities, not just in parenting, in everything. So sad for that kid being punished with chicken and veggies!

      Delete

Here's the thing: I love your comments.
So thank you.

Have a lovely day.
Drink some coffee.