baby growing diaries #10

When you are pregnant, you might hear this…

“ Get plenty of rest.  Sleep while you can, because after the baby comes...”

It seems to me, what we have here is another case of those “well-intentioned” people, who are clearly not waking up 3-5 times every night, because they took one sip of water and have to use the bathroom AGAIN or because finding a comfortable sleeping position is an all out mind-body-spirit activity that takes every ounce of your focus.  No, these people heartlessly spew out these statements from their well rested mouths and non-aching bodies, because in their delusional minds, you only start to lose sleep after baby arrives. 

What a myth.  What a lie. What nonsense.  Today, I put an end to this falsehood.

Here’s the truth.  It’s been months since I’ve slept through the night and I’m not happy about it.  Trips to the bathroom are endless.  Finding a comfortable sleeping position is nearly impossible, without losing my breath and waking up my husband.   At least twice a week, I give up and take a bath at 3 or 5 AM because I know that is my only change of easing my aching body and hoping to catch a few more hours of precious sleep.  It is a waste, I tell you. A waste of perfectly good sleep-filled nights.  Now, some other cliché slinging individual might tell you that it is nature’s way of preparing your body for the times you’ll wake up at night with baby, but you know how I feel about those clichés. 

Truthfully, nothing can prepare you for what is coming, not even these little tricks that your body tries to throw your way.  You just do it.  You’re tired, you’re exhausted, and you’re never sure what day it is or the last time you showered, but who cares, you have the cutest baby in the world and there’s coffee- there is always coffee.  You just find the super human ability to function and care for your little one(s), along with everything else that must be done.  The rest of the world fades into a blur, kind of like those trippy scenes from Across the Universe, which is a wonderful film. 

So, I ask, is it really necessary to spend these last few months before your child arrives waking up incessantly?  NO WAY.  Wouldn’t it make more sense to be able to fall asleep and rest peacefully until the morning comes?  YES.  Are you tired of these tricky little antics from your body?  YES.  Pregnant women of the world unite!

Hmmm… this is getting crazy.

I’d like to take this opportunity to send a message, loud and clear to my body.

Hey you, listen up.  I do not need to practice losing sleep. Nor do I want to practice losing sleep.  And if I must lose sleep, it should be for a  good reason, not because of my bladder’s inability to handle a tap dancing baby in utero or because soreness has taken over my life.  Frankly, I’d much rather have to wake up to care for my child instead of  losing sleep over all this other nonsense. So, stop it already.

There, I feel better. Also, the retaining water business is making me feel like giant marshmallow.

And to all of you, “sleep when you can, because when the baby comes” people…  you now know the truth…. and the truth will set you free from sharing clichés with all of the mamas and mamas to be.  We don’t need clichés, we just want sleep.

And on that note, it’s nap time.

{Liv

34.5 weeks today.

baby growing diaries #5

This post could also be titled:

1. My rebel subconscious.

2. I never know the date.

This morning when I woke up 15 minutes than I prefer, I checked my phone and noticed a calendar notification.  I glanced at it briefly and dismissed it, since it was for my doctor’s appointment tomorrow, October 13th, no need to worry about that today.  I continued  to go along with the important matters of the morning, 42 kisses for the little boy, a cute text to the husband,  grind the coffee, a little orange juice, etc.

As I listened to the theme song  from Super Why for the 1,200,300th time, I asked my pre-caffeinated self, why would my notification for TOMORROW’S appointment come up today.  I have all my appointments for the rest of the year scheduled on Thursday mornings.  (Because, I’m awake anyways and I find that if you schedule them for early morning you have been a better chance of actually seeing your doctor around that time.  The second time around, I’m a smarter mama and OB patient.)

I kept thinking, “Tomorrow the 13th, tomorrow the 13th… tomorrow is the thirteenth right?”  I then realized, I had absolutely no idea what today’s date was (and truthfully, I rarely ever do.)  So, I referred to the only calendar in the entire place, on my little smartie alien phone… and I learned something, today is the 13th.  In case you were wondering, today is October 13th. You probably knew that because you have jobs or schedules or you’re obsessive like some people I know and have calendars everywhere.  I don’t have those things.

Moral of this story: I missed my appointment.  But here’s what you don’t know.  I’m not sad, not even the tiniest bit, because I didn’t want to go.  My subconscious knew this and saved me from today, because this morning was the dreaded, the detestable, the torture of tortures regarding OB visits… the glucose tolerance test.

(And all the mama’s said ugh.)

For those of you innocent of its terrors, they make you drink an entire bottle of this horrid, nasty, sweetest sugar drink known to mankind, in a color that is surely not found anywhere in nature. For an hour you can’t have anything else to wash that putrid taste from you lips (and you feel high on sugar, because it’s more than you consume in a lifetime)  and then they take your blood.  Supposedly this is a test for gestational diabetes, but I think it’s just to torture us… not like we’re not dealing with enough here…  I personally vote that this whole practice be banned and replaced with a 1 hour prenatal massage test.  You are given a massage and then if you feel better, you pass… if you don’t feel better, you get another massage.  Who’s with me on this? Pass or fail… not a bad deal.

Anyways, that is what I missed this morning and now I have more time to come up with a legit excuse to not take it.  Here’s what I have so far:

• I’m allergic to glucose.
• I’m scared of glucose.
• I think glucose is an ugly sounding word.
• I’m allergic to tests.

• I’m don’t drink soda.
• It’s against my religion.
• It’s against my political views.
• It’s against my ethics.
• It’s against my marriage vows.
• It’s against my wishes.
• My dog ate my homework.
• It’s not me, it’s you.
• Let’s just be friends.
• I took that test last time and I passed.  I can get proof.
• I don’t want my baby to have that much sugar.
• Thousands of women have had babies without taking this test.
• The Virgin Mary surely didn’t have to drink that.
• I want a lawyer.
• I have to wash my hair.
• You’re not the boss of me.

and if all of those fail… I’m going to  ask if there is a sugary Starbucks drink that I could have instead.

For today, I’m safe from the evils of that terrifying liquid and all is well, but if you have any excuses that will actually get me out of taking the test, please share… because unfortunately, next week I have a rescheduled date with the glucose.

25 weeks, 5 days.

Note:  Please realize that I’m being mostly silly and ridiculous, as I’m sure there is a real medical reason they force this test upon us…. and things like gestational diabetes are not a joke.  It’s just that, the glucose tolerance test is so awful and I hate it.  Thanks.

{Liv