the restless are native

It’s been just over a year since we moved away from the first place we called home together.  Some days,  I miss it like crazy.  Others, I am glad to be in a city that is big enough for us to breathe.  Most days, I’m still wondering just why we are here. For how long? For what? And what is next? Truth be told, we feel less connected than we’ve ever felt anywhere.  We always thought this place would be a transition for us, but the transition generally suggests something new is coming and to be honest, we’ll valued citizens of Restlessville.   And the restless are native.

I love change. I crave the unknown, except on the days when knowing sounds cooler. 

I was just reading through something I wrote last year, right before our move and the sentiments from then feel even more true today.  Which is good, but also annoying.  Annoying, because when we said, “God, we trust your timing and your plan,“ He took us seriously and doesn’t feel the need to fill us in on those details. Ever.

.Anyways, I’m not looking for answers, because you surely don’t have them, but I found this and I know I need to remember it, especially on days like this.

We don’t have all the answers, but we do have dreams and we do believe that God has something greater for us… and that is all we need. – Me

 

So, there’s that. Thanks me.

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The other day I saw the most beautiful painting with a quote that read,

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”

I love this quote, but I also hate it, because I don’t think I’m very good at doing that.

 

Queen of Restlessville signing off…

Once upon a time in 2010.

I’ve been trying to capture my thoughts in regards to 2010. There was plenty of waiting, uncertainty, and more waiting.  There was moving, adjusting, and moving again.  More adjusting to the changes.  Plenty of puking and sickness, and more waiting (still).  It was  year of building, investing time and effort, long days and lots of trusting.  It was year of moving forward, even if the progress was slow and hard to see.  And while it wasn’t the most glamorous 365 days, the good times and the blessings were too numerous to count.  Did I forget anticipation? 2010 was full of it.

In all of these changes, with all of the growth and lessons, we remained grateful and confident.  Our love grew for each other, our son, and the little girl that we will soon meet.  Long days of working two jobs for Matt made us cherish the hours of being together.  And as we continue to settle into this new state, wondering if it will ever feel like our home, wondering if we will ever find that sense of “home,” we instead just found it in each other.  As much as we long for a greater sense of community and the place where our passions and talents will come to the forefront, as dreamers and lovers of change, we have come to the reality that “home” may never be a place.  Although, we’re quite certain it could be found on the coast of California, where the salty waves crash onto the shore and splash our faces.

We know that these years in our lives are seasons of building and preparing, times that will shape us into the people and family that we are called to be and so, we welcome them, knowing they are preparation for what lies before us.  Just like each of the snowflakes falling outside my window, I know that all the moments in time are necessary, because together they form the beautiful story of life.   Even if we could sum up 2010 as exhausting, I’m still thankful, because now we have arrived at the start of a new year full of mystery and possibilities, ready to be embraced. 

Dreams don't make your life easier, they make it possible to endure hardship. – E. McManus

{Liv

on a friday…

Getting ready for the weekend, the baby is laying on the floor eating vanilla wafers, he’s silly.  I’m supposed to be having a yard sale tomorrow with some friends and the chances of rain are high.  So we’ll see.  I’m drinking a new coffee that I found in the grocery store, of all places, who knew you could buy good coffee there?  It’s made by New England Coffee, Blueberry Cobbler. It’s really delicious, I mean it.  Try it sometime.

Here’s a thought, I could make a career out of tasting and reviewing coffee, now if coffee companies would just start sending me samples… thanks.  I’ll start tomorrow.  Coffee + writing + sharing my opinions, what is not to love?

Some of you may know our lives are in the strange season of waiting and trusting and being content.  I used to think that being patient was the hardest thing, but I’m starting to think that being content is harder.  Would you agree?  About a month ago, I told the husband that I wanted to start running because I wanted to have actually control over something tangible that I could make happen.  Funny, right?  Well, I’ve been slacking the past few weeks, but I’m coming back.  Anyways, last night I told him again that since I haven’t even been doing that, I feel like there is nothing I am working towards or able to control at this moment.  He said, hmm, that is not true.  He then proceeded to give me a very lengthy list of all the things I have some/most of the say in…  I think he started out being funny but he was speaking truth.  Hmm perspective, what a boring word… I should probably adjust my thinking; it would make a huge difference.  Here are a few items out of his mouth:

• You have control over what Hudson wears and what he does all day.
• You have control over being the kind of parent, wife, and friend that you want to be
• You have control over the decorating of our home.
• You have control over the menu planning and grocery shopping.  {Does that mean that he has to eat more vegetables?}
• You have control over what you wear.
• You have control over what you do all day.
• You can be as creative as you want.
• You can watch the television shows that you want and if you hate something, I never make you watch it.
• You can drink as much coffee as you want {this does not mean necessarily trips to Starbucks.}

There was more, but that’s an overview,  I certainly made fun of a few of those items, but all in all, he’s right.  Yes, I said it, the husband was right.  I suppose my biggest frustration is not having control over what God is doing and I willing acknowledge that is neither my job, my responsibility,  my privilege, nor my right.

So I’m working on that whole perspective thing for today and finding contentment for right now.  I suppose it is easier when I start weighing all the good against the bad, one severely outweighs the other.  More good, less bad. More good, less bad.

I’ll leave you with this for the weekend. 

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”- Epicurus.

and this…

{yes, they are mine.}