Are We There Yet?

Remember asking that as a child, filled with anticipation and excitement every five minutes of the car ride to whatever gloriously fun destination your family was headed?

Each five minutes that passed seemed like an eternity and you felt it necessary to just check with your parents to make sure they weren’t missing something important, which of course, made the trip feel like eternity for them too.

Tonight, I’m sitting here realizing that maybe we really never stop asking that question.  Even as I find myself in my mid-twenties, blissfully wed to my love and best friend, joyfully raising my beautiful baby boy, doing the things I love the most, writing and being creative… I’m still asking, “Are we there yet?”

I’m comfortable with adulthood and its responsibilities, most of the time, while still embracing that inner child within, living to make each day meaningful and intentional, however…

A large part of me is still rather unsettled, anxiously awaiting whatever in the world is coming next.  This year has been one to remember, with many highs and some lows.  The husband and I both felt something stirring in us, some new purpose and a renewed calling for our lives.  We felt a change of location coming, and while we truly have enjoyed this place, our souls are hungry for a change, for that new place to be and to belong.

And then, his employer sunk like the sinking ship that it was and went of out business, leaving him jobless, like so many, in February.  

It’s October. These eight months have been filled with hours upon hours of job searching, praying, looking, knocking, seeking, dreaming, and waiting, waiting, waiting.  Did I mention waiting yet?  We pursued artistic opportunities, taking full advantage of the great amount of hours available, hoping to make the most of time.   We came across lots of closed doors and windows, for that matter. We saw a chance of an exciting door open and then close, which was frustrating, but we were not defeated, certain that God had a better plan, which He wasn’t telling us about yet.

Today, we’re still waiting (and all that other stuff: looking, hoping, praying, etc.)  and while we are just as certain of the timing and next step of that plan, it’s not feeling so easy at this point of the journey.  I think we keep asking each other everyday, “Are we there yet?” Except, we don’t even know where THERE is, so that’s kind of umm, whatever.  All we know is we’d really love to be THERE, doing whatever it is we are supposed to be doing THERE. 

I’m saying all this at the risk of being vulnerable and transparent, and at the greater risk of receiving one too many cliché statements, but I imagine I’m not the only one who has felt like the little kid sitting in the back seating practically bouncing up and down waiting to arrive.  The point of arrival is different for each of us, whether it’s waiting to finish school, to find/start a career, to pursue and obtain a dream, to meet the person of your dreams, to fall in love, to get married, to have a baby… to anything, whatever is next, for you.

I think it’s natural and necessary to keep looking forward, and being content is part of the deal too.  {I know.}  But, I think part of the asking and waiting means you have hope, hope for things unseen except in your dreams, and perhaps, if we stop asking this question, then maybe part of that hope is diminished.

That might be nonsense to you, to me, it’s comforting, because I’m hopeful.  Tired and anxious, but hopeful too.  I heard this song today, by Ingrid Michaelson, I’ve been a big fan since first hearing her music on Grey’s Anatomy, and I’m pretty sure I fell in love with it.  A good song is one you immediately find yourself in, and that is exactly what I did.  Maybe you will too.