Friday, November 19, 2010

Baby growing diaries #8 Bad vs. Good Questions

This morning, I wrote a long, extremely sarcastic post about silly questions to ask pregnant ladies.  I didn’t post it, but I felt better.  I do that often, writing helps me feel better and let’s me whine a little bit, even if I don’t share it with the entire modern world.  I’m still feeling rather uncomfortable today, but I just took a nap and I feel a little more like sunshine than earlier.   Now, I  think it would be funny to share a milder version of those same thoughts. 

During my baby growing posts, I often write about the things people feel compelled to say to those who are with child.  Maybe, I hope that by sharing my feelings I can change the world or maybe I just want to make you laugh.  I think it’s both.  I never want to complain much other than to a select number of people, because I know there are many people who wish they had the chance to complain about being pregnant, and I never want to take this gift for granted…  I just want to put my spin on it all, because I write, that’s what I do. So, with that being said…

Here are a few bad questions to ask your local pregnant mama.

1.  How are you feeling?  Chances are if you’re asked this in your third trimester, what you want to say is, “Pretty much, pick any part of my body and assume that it is sore and uncomfortable.”  But, I think the people really just want to hear is this, “Oh, me, I’m glowing and radiant.”  Go ahead, give them them one of those answers and report back to me.

2. Are you excited?  This one is beyond me.  I mean, OF COURSE. YES. HELLO.  You’ve been thinking about meeting this little baby for months and months, maybe even years.  Excited doesn’t even cut it.  Pick a better question.

3.  Are you ready?  Well, at this point, that’s irrelevant.  That’s a question to ask prior to…you know, procreating.   I mean, one of these days… that baby is coming out and you’re going to be ready or you’re going to have do a really good job of pretending that you are.  I tend to believe most people do the pretending bit, but isn’t most of parenting a learn as you go sort of gig?  Ready or not… here they come.

4.  Are you getting plenty of rest?  If this is your first child, maybe you can answer yes, maybe.  BUT, if you’re growing #2 or #3 or more… this is the silliest question of all time.  I mean, do people think that just because you are pregnant your other children automatically become the low maintenance types, who only need watering once a day, like chia pets?  Really.  And furthermore, whoever writes those chapters in the pregnancy books about not lifting anything heavy must have had feathers for children.


See, terrible questions.  Now, let me share some questions that would be much better to ask.

  1. When would you like to take a nap?
  2. When can I come over and clean your bathroom?
  3. What can I make you for dinner?
  4. When can I come play with your toddler, so that you can rest or run errands or shower or sleep?
  5. Can I wash your dishes?
  6. Can I scrub your fridge or discover where that putrid smell is coming from in your kitchen?
  7. Can I bring you some tiramisu?
  8. What kind of cookies does your husband like?
  9. What kind of latte can I pick up for you?
  10. How often would you like a massage?

Those are good questions, very good ones.  They are magical, life-altering, beautiful questions that would make anyone’s day.

And now I’m finished.

31 weeks today.  Glowing and radiant.  Excited. Ready.  Getting loads and loads of rest… in case you wondered.

Happy weekend.



  1. hahaha soo funny, laughed my pregnant little butt off!! here is another lose-lose bad question to ask: "how far along are you?" (as they gaze at your bump to make a mental judgement about your progress vs. how big or small they believe you SHOULD be). If I say I'm in my 5th month, they say "oh you should be eating more, shouldnt YOU BE BIGGER BY NOW!?" or, if I'm in my 7th month, they say "omg, you still have 2 months to go, you poor thing, you look like you're gonna pop any day now!!" A better question would be "when are you due?" then, you can do the math in your head and decide after the conversation is over if you thought The poor pregnant woman should've been bigger or smaller. another terrible question is: "do, you mind? can i touch your belly?" ANSWER: NO!! if we're not well aquainted enough for you to touch me without asking, then the answer is NO!!OF COURSE I MIND!! "DOESNT IT HURT TO WALK IN THOSE HEELS?" of course it DOES, wHETher or not YOURE PREGNANT, heels are never comfortable! and... "YOU DONT EVEN LOOK PREGNANT!" is not a compliment, it means typically you think i look fatter than i actually am. haha right? Okay, now, I would like to add a good question: "can i carry that for you? can i get the door for you? can i rub your feet? can i buy your dog, i heard you're selling her?" yes. yes. yes. YES.

  2. Excellent excellent compilation of questions there at the end!
    My personal pet peeve question is, "Are you getting really big??"
    Um, really? I'd rather not answer that question. Ever. And my "big" and your "big" are all relative, aren't they? I mean, my chiropractor and my husband both tell me I'm huge. But every female I run into tells me I'm so tiny! Who can say? And does it really matter anyways? Ugg.
    Only 10-7 more weeks and we're done with this! And then the parenting questions can start. Oh joy.

  3. Newly pregnant and the first trimester alone is kicking my butt! I LOVE your list of good questions at the end. I think it should be a public service announcement!!!! :)


Here's the thing: I love your comments.
So thank you.

Have a lovely day.
Drink some coffee.